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Woman Wonders If She’s Wrong for Cutting Ties with Her Sister-In-Law Who’s Cold One Minute and Friendly the Next. AITA?

Navigating family relationships can be like walking through a minefield, especially when in-laws are involved. Sometimes, taking a step back may seem appealing, but are such measures justified or dramatic?

This is the dilemma faced by a woman who took to r/amiwrong to circulate her thoughts on whether distancing herself from her two-faced sister-in-law was the appropriate course of action.

She wrote:

My sister inlaw (25) got married 6 months after me (f23) to my husbands younger brother, but she knew the family for much longer than I did, basically since grade school.

I am a talkative, outgoing, and (I’d like to think) easy person. When she just got married, I didn’t go out of my way or anything, because I myself was newly married at the time, but whenever we’d meet at the boys parents house, I’d make light convo and try to create a relationship, seeing as we hadn’t known each other before.

She was extremely cold, and rude at times. I chalked it up to just her personality being an only child. But it went on for close to a year so it really started to bother me. To point that I’d avoid going to the parents house if she was there and would opt to go when she wasn’t around. Just to avoid the anxiety of being around her and being ignored/spoken to rudely.

At some point, she opened up and I felt comfortable enough to ask her if she had a problem with me, and she said she just has social anxiety and can come off as rude sometimes. I accepted and understood that. From then on I was supportive of her and would give her company if she asked and would go out of my way to accommodate her because of knowing about her anxiety.

We are currently on a trip together, with a tour group. 3 days in, she’s made friends with all of the other members in our group, she spends more time with them than with our family that we came here with. She’s super outgoing and friendly and a completely different person.

It makes me wonder whether she was purposely rude to me in the beginning for whatever reason. Because she’s now reverted back to that behaviour and even if I speak to her it’s as if I’m invisible. I know I’ve not done anything to upset her bc I am extremely self aware.

I’ve decided to stop making the effort and just let whatever relationship we have fall away. Simply because I don’t believe in giving people effort if you don’t get any effort back.

My mum said that I am unfair and being selfish bc she’s told me she has social anxiety so I thought I’d ask Reddit if I’m in the wrong?

People were quick to share their thoughts:

Certain-Fan7722 suggested that:

If she is literally being great to everyone except you, I’d just leave it be. Don’t put in any additional effort. She does seem to have issue with you and if she can’t be an adult about it, don’t waste your time.

Wifeofasavage, the Original Poster (OP), concurred:

Yeah, I’ll just give her whatever she gives me. It’s just sad because we could’ve been buddies and had so much fun together man.

Some-Coyote1409 speculated:

It sounds like she’s jealous of you.

Elegant-Pumpkin-1640 refuted the jealousy theory:

She may just not like her. You don’t have to be jealous of someone not to like them. She may not like OP’s personality…it’s a strange situation because they are kind of family.

CryptographerHot7973 surmised:

Her issues are what her parents caused and have nothing to do with you…she can’t handle adult life because her mind is still that of a child.

Wifeofasavage further clarified the situation:

I have a very similar personality to the boys’ mum, so yes she LOVES her and gets along like mother and daughter with her. There’s also people in this group that she gets along with who have similar personality to me. She’s nice to everyone, except me.

artnodiv pointed out a harsh truth:

There is no rule you have to be friends with in-laws or any relatives. You married your husband, not her.

BrightGreyEyes provided insight into social anxiety:

As someone with social anxiety, it can often be easier to make friends with people you probably won’t see again… Never having to see them again takes almost all the pressure off.

roman1969 advised:

Match her energy. No more no less. You have other things to worry about, and she’s the very least of them.

Wifeofasavage expressed frustration over the unpredictable behavior:

My husband says she has “issues” and that I should just ignore her mood swings and behave toward her the way she does to me. I don’t mind that but it’s just exhausting to wait to see if today she wants to be nice or not so I know how I should be.

theratinyourbrain opined:

I don’t think you’re wrong. You’ve made every effort to form a relationship and it didn’t work out. The best thing to do is just remain cordial.

Francie1966 offered a different perspective:

Maybe she took it to mean that you weren’t interested in a relationship with her early on… Honestly, you both sound exhausting.

What’s your thoughts on maintaining difficult in-law relationships? Share your insight on our Facebook post and join the discussion.