Breaking up is never easy, especially in the age of social media where our digital lives are as entangled as our emotional ones. But what happens when one decides to sever all digital ties in one fell swoop?
That’s the dilemma faced by a young woman who shared her story on r/amiwrong, asking the internet for its judgment: was it immature to block her ex on everything right after he dropped bombshell confessions, or was it an appropriate line in the sand?
She wrote:
So for about a month my BF (18M) of 2.5 years had been treating me (19F) like homework, ignoring me for half the day, not very interested in making plans. I had been gently trying to get what was wrong out of him the whole time but then a few nights ago I just started asking the real questions and it was like pulling teeth to get this info out of him.
Apparently he started his porn addiction back up during the summer (was not planning on telling me), no longer had sexual interest in me, and had been contemplating breaking up with me for three months. He told me that it was because I didn’t want to have sex with him yet. We don’t have anywhere private to go and I want to have some dignity when I do it; it’s important to me to feel loved and romanced beforehand which he had never done. He even surprised me with condoms and lube when I moved into my first apartment (with roommates) which I panicked and told him to return because he hadn’t discussed it with me before hand and it was really out of the blue so I felt pressured.
By the way when we started dating he told me that he considered watching porn to be cheating which now he claims he only said so I would like him more. But then he was planning to string me along by taking me to see some Christmas lights and then break up with me afterward. He told me that he loves me and wants to be friends and still celebrate Christmas and go on trips together. I was so flabbergasted I just asked him if he wanted all his stuff back or if I should donate/throw it away and he said he wanted me to donate it and he “wouldn’t know if I held onto some of it” and “are you sure you don’t want to at least get coffee?”.
I said bye and blocked him on almost everything but then he sent me a picture of him in a hoodie with the caption “bye bye” and I blocked him on that too. Do I come off as immature and bitter for doing that? Or was that an appropriate response? Am I a prude? I did other forms of sex on him for most of our relationship just not penetrative. Was my request to wait unreasonable? Is that something I should change in the future? TLDR; after my BF (18M) of 2.5yrs broke up with me (19F) I blocked him on literally everything. His parents and I still follow each other. Was this immature? I did it immediately afterward. ^ this will help you answer the first question but you may need to read the rest for the second
People were quick to share their thoughts:
TomatoFeta felt sympathy and supported a future-forward approach:
Stay true to you. If that means realizing you’re young and have plenty of time to find someone who shares your interests and values, then realize it. Just because we love someone doesn’t mean they’re a good fit for the long haul.
CallEmergency3746 echoed the sentiment:
This is the best answer.
CarryingMyself97 encouraged a no-look-back attitude:
You set a boundary and he tried to manipulate you out of it. Don’t worry about the trash in your rearview mirror, and never second-guess your standards. You are not prude; he is just a selfish person.
Rengeflower underlined the ex’s immaturity:
He’s definitely a waste of your time. Blocking and deleting him is for the best, and prepare for him to try to reinsert himself into your life. He is disrespectful.
Latter-Cost-1331 brought up the flexibility of the digital age:
The beauty of this age is you can block anyone and move on. Forget about him; he is not worth your time or thoughts.
MissAnthropoid referenced the lack of effort on the ex’s part:
If you wanted your first time to feel special and he hadn’t shown any effort over 2.5 years, the only mistake you made was waiting so long to break things off.
Crystal_crone praised the young woman’s maturity:
You are being VERY mature by stating and standing by your boundaries! His lack of consideration for your feelings about your first time is scary. Block him everywhere!
JojoLesh offered a mature male perspective:
Unfollow his parents. It’s probably best for everyone. Are you really going to discuss your next relationships with them?
EquallO pointed out the imbalance in the relationship:
Your sentence ‘I did other forms of sex on him for most of our relationship…’ speaks volumes. The acts of sex must be mutual.
Abject-Inspector-674 got to the heart of the issue:
He is a manipulative lying asshole, and you’re better off without him. You asked for the bare minimum and he couldn’t even deliver that.
sweetpotatonerd focused on consent:
You are not wrong. Watching porn is cheating if you decide it is. And pressuring you is never right.
AldusPrime asserted:
He likes porn more than real girls; he’s not going to be a good boyfriend for anyone.
thewhiterosequeen summed it up:
YTA holy crap that’s not how invitations work. Couples always get invited together. He wouldn’t be invited if he wasn’t your husband. Why didn’t you shut that sht down immediately? Your husband is a bigger a*hole but you enable him.
bl00dy_k4ndi empathized:
omg not prude at all, what an ass. “i only said i think porn is cheating just so you’d like me” really stood out to me comment wise. absolutely not in the wrong, your both still young and sometimes young guys think they’re on top of the world…
Muted-Type-2426 underscored the gravity of her ex’s issues:
I just had to hear one thing ‘porn addiction’ to know you made the right decision. Two exes had porn addictions, and the relationship was full of gaslighting, lying, cheating, etc… not worth it.